Still Single

My little brother and his wife had the typical BYU courtship—met in June, engaged in August, married in September, pregnant in December. I wouldn't have predicted that coming from my little brother, but hey, he's 24 and makes a great dad.

I, on the other hand, am 25 and single. My large singles ward in the DC area is the 7th singles ward of which I've been a member. As a freshman, my singles ward had one returned missionary girl. She seemed old, but wise. Now when I attend my singles ward back home in Utah, I'm the old returned missionary.

However, out on the east coast, I spend the majority of my social time interacting with beautiful, kind, smart, proactive friends who don't fit the typical BYU mold. Yes, they are in their mid to late 20s, have been graduated from college and often grad programs for several years, served missions, work in meaningful professions and {gasp} are not married.

Especially from interactions with sisters in my relief society, I've realized that normal, attractive, spiritual girls just haven't found or been led to the right guy. In most cases, this is not because they are awkward, lazy, stupid, unattractive or weird... it's just that it hasn't worked out. Don't try to tell any of us that if we changed this or that or were less picky that we would be married by now. It's not true. We're just doing our best to do good things with our lives whether or not Mr. Right comes along.

Along with this exciting east-coast single lifestyle, we all deal with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and insecurity. Some of us do better at hiding or diminishing these feelings than others, but they are there. The best realization for me is that it's normal. Thinking about how little control we have over our dreams for a future family is frightening for all of us.

Despite the emotions that some would title “baggage” that come from being in the dating pool for close to a decade, we are making this portion of our lives beautiful and meaningful. Yes, we never really planned for or wanted, for that matter, to be in the “still single” category. At age 16, most of us thought that by now we'd have a family of our own, not a "household" of 1. But we deal, adjust, and make meaningful contributions to the lives of others, while trying to find our own place in a rather difficult social world.

Yes, every Sunday I look at the girls around me and realize that if these amazing women haven't found someone to marry, it's okay that I haven't either. Being 25 and single doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.