There have been moments in the past with someone I loved... a trip to the grocery store, a song he played for me on the guitar, or a walk at sunset ... that were accompanied by a all too familiar feeling of fear; a sort of intuitive thought that I should soak up the moment, because it wouldn't last forever... because someday that relationship or that love would no longer be alive and real, but only a faded memory.
But now, for the first time, I can soak in his face, enjoy a happy moment with him, or make a beautiful memory and not have that feeling. I can say goodbye or be apart and recognize the moment when the fear should creep in... when it should make me want to hold on as long as I can, desperately... but the worry never comes. Yes, there is the ache of separation, there is the frustration of my stubbornly impatient heart, but there is not desperation, nor despair.
My heart is so open... happy, sad, passionate, comforted, giving, wanting, loving...and so little of fear.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
falling for someone...
Taking the risk
-while knowing you're not just turning down a few friday night dates, but giving him a part of your life, which will always be dominated by memories of him, whether or not you want to remember them.
-fighting the uncertainty of how, if something this real and genuine turns to dust, you'll ever be able to trust someone again with so much of yourself.
-while knowing the songs on the radio will always remind you of him, and bring back at least some of the bittersweet memories of smiles and pain.
Making the Choice
-to trust someone else with your dreams and thoughts, your happiness, your fears and insecurities.
-to see the potential in another.
-to hope for happiness and enjoy the moment.
-to allow yourself to dream again.
-to live and love based on faith, NOT fear.
Feeling yourself change
-when you finally let yourself feel how much need him.
-when you hurt because he does.
-when you hang up the phone and feel empty without him.
-when you realize he is helping you become more like who you've wanted to be all along.
-while knowing you're not just turning down a few friday night dates, but giving him a part of your life, which will always be dominated by memories of him, whether or not you want to remember them.
-fighting the uncertainty of how, if something this real and genuine turns to dust, you'll ever be able to trust someone again with so much of yourself.
-while knowing the songs on the radio will always remind you of him, and bring back at least some of the bittersweet memories of smiles and pain.
Making the Choice
-to trust someone else with your dreams and thoughts, your happiness, your fears and insecurities.
-to see the potential in another.
-to hope for happiness and enjoy the moment.
-to allow yourself to dream again.
-to live and love based on faith, NOT fear.
Feeling yourself change
-when you finally let yourself feel how much need him.
-when you hurt because he does.
-when you hang up the phone and feel empty without him.
-when you realize he is helping you become more like who you've wanted to be all along.
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