I had a roommate in college who started dating a guy from our high school who, like me, was more studious than popular, more quality than cute. So the fact that they ended up getting married created quite a stir among out friends from high school days who knew the popular, athletic types that she had dated in the past.
Later, she confided to me that she wasn't extremely attracted to her husband when they started dating. Judging from outward appearances, there were some who might have said she could do better. But this kind roommate of mine was willing to look beyond the outward appearance and give this guy a chance. After a few weeks did he started to grow on her and eventually became attractive to her. By the time they were engaged, you could tell they were both very happy and in love.
My first boyfriend was a kind, intelligent guy. At time, however, he didn't fit into my “ideal” physical type. We dated for a few weeks, eventually got around to some cuddling, and then had our first kiss. The first time he kissed me I wasn't too impressed. It didn't help that I had no previous kissing experience. Being the immature, somewhat self-centered 20 year old that I was, I didn't give him a second chance, chalking it up to the physical chemistry just not being there.
The more dating experience I get, the more I regret that decision. Yeah, at 20 I wasn't ready for a serious relationship nor prepared for marriage, but I missed out on a chance to get to really get to know a great guy who cared about me.
Well, four year later, I had learned enough to not judge kissing abilities by the first kiss. Another guy came along, as well as another disappointing first kiss. But there was a second chance, and by third time there weren't any problems. The attraction I thought might not be there just needed to be given time to develop. Too bad other issues kept our relationship from working out.
So now, back to single again, I wonder if I've finally got things straightened out. I want to be madly in love with the man I marry, a feeling I hope will be mutual. But the questions remains: Does that include madly in love with the way he looks, the color of his hair, or his athletic build? Or do I look past physical appearances and allow myself to fall in love with someone different than the “tall, dark, and handsome” image I've always had my head. Will the way I feel about him somehow change the way he looks to me? Worse yet, what if it doesn't and I end up with regrets.
If everything else about a guy is great, and I enjoying being close to him, isn't the superficiality of outward appearance unimportant? If so, how come I still notice a cute guy from five rows away at church, while ignoring all the other guys in between us. I'm rather convinced this must be a contributing factor to my dating dissatisfaction. Attractiveness is naturally a part of what we look for in mate, but it sure would make dating easier if we were just all average...or blind.
Good post Devany. I always had an attraction to guys that I almost felt guilty for liking because they didn't fit the mold. Sometimes I'd date them and sometimes I wouldn't. When I met my husband it was instant attraction. And yet he didn't fit what I thought I wanted either. Not tall, not dark, not graduated from college, younger than me, etc. At first, I had to fight with myself. I had an inner voice telling me he wasn't ideal. But very quickly, all that was transcended by our attraction for each other. We are still madly in love with one another over a year later. The point is, you'll fall in love with the one you're meant to be with. It sounds like you've already realized that love takes a little time to grow, but it doesn't take 20 dates to grow. I think you're in the right place. Oh and FYI, once I was praying about the perceived disadvantages and I was very obviously chastised for my initial shallow outlook.
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